It wasn't time yesterday to write this post as I was with my husband and we were spending time with our dogs, and trying to enjoy our weekend with some halloween fun. And my husband finished the stairs reno in our home too!
But now I can sit down for a moment and write about something that happened yesterday.
We went to the closest town where we could get some pierogis from our favourite polish restaurant. I had completely forgotten that the blues festival was taking place this weekend, the same one I was supposed to perform at but had to cancel because I refuse to perform to an "exclusive audience" or in venues where only SOME people are allowed to enter.
As we walked from the car, I started to see the tents and fences and remembered it was the same day I had been scheduled to get on stage again, for the first time since March of 2020...
I became nervous, anxious, and began to feel awful.
I waited for my husband to come with the coffee and pierogis, but time seemed to crawl by and I could not help but think about everything that had changed for me, everything that was taking place around the world, everything I had lost, that we had ALL lost...
The pain and anxiety kept growing and then as he returned with the coffee first, a band started to play just behind us in a small club, and we could hear it from the tables outside.
People were smiling, laughing, talking, walking by, moving to and enjoying the simple blues being played by the small band.
It was so strange to see life in some way "back to normal" from the outside, while knowing from the inside that it was nowhere near normal again...
And yet the more it becomes normalised, the more people forget, or think they can just move on from what is happening.
It started to make me feel sadness, but also deep anger.
And I had to calm myself down by talking it through with my husband.
This illusion that life is back and that what we once had can be enjoyed again, is to me, a deep disgusting lie.
While all of us sit in the centre of this barbaric segregation, and some scan their little codes and passports feeling no empathy for their neighbours as they enter bars and restaurants and theatres thinking "this must be the way back to normal"....we ALL lose.
When we pretend that the lives we once had can come back to something "normal" and that we can all feel good in the eyes of God, while we sit by silently as people lose their jobs, and lose the ability to feed their children and families, because of a personal medical choice....we ALL lose.
While we sit silently and watch as rules and regulations are put in place that will take years or maybe decades to reverse, and we see companies making billions without paying taxes or being held accountable as they switch sides and take cushy jobs in the FDA after leaving Big Pharma, and they are the same ones deciding if your child of 5 years old shall be next in line...WE ALL LOSE.
When we stand alone and think only of ourselves, as we have so many times before, even when we heard the news of terrible things happening in other countries, far, far, away, for as long as we can remember...but now when as it arrives here on our own doorstep and still we cannot "see" or "hear" or "believe" and we do not STAND UP....then, ultimately we will ALL LOSE.
I am happy to see people enjoy life again, I am glad to see them able to go out to live music and participate in the society they think is protecting them...
But what about the millions around the world who are being shamed, blamed, fired, threatened, forced, scared into and pushed into, this other reality?
What about the massive changes taking place in our courts, governments, military, medical and corporate world?
What about the children and elderly, left unprotected and only steps away from a sea of hungry wolves?
My husband arrived with the pierogis, I got up from the table, smiled anxiously and walked with him to my car. I was happy to get away from this false reality, because for me it only brings grief and heartache. The choice I had to make was hard and I stand behind it everyday, along with all those others who have quit or left or been forced from their jobs. Jobs that some of them loved and spent decades creating.
And I do not let myself forget, even when things feel "normal" for a moment, that we have a long way to go, to reach whatever "normal" once was, and that maybe what normal was needs to change drastically anyways.
Maybe in fact, something completely new needs to be created.
A world where money and power is not the only goal for most.
Where we are not ruled by tiny men with terrible agendas.
Where children are protected and valued and where the elderly have a say in what life looks like for them in the end.
Where one cannot decide for another, what happens to the body, soul, spirit and mind.
Where women can walk to the water hole without being raped or killed.
Where a child can run in the streets without worrying about a drone bomb attack..
A world, of unity, peace, love and respect for all life and all of God's creatures.
Sounds like a dream doesn't it?
Great change can be painful, as we have seen throughout history, and many must lose and sacrifice and give up their lives to make the greatest changes.
Let's hope this war won't last too long, in relation to how long wars usually last.
And let's hope the new world created by these GREAT CHANGES, will be one of equality and love for the children of tomorrow...
I tell myself this could happen, if I stay strong in my beliefs and stance, if I don't give up, and if I don't give in...
I tell myself that my nieces and nephew will have a better world than this to look forward to, if only I don't fool myself into believing "normal" is right around the corner.
And I trust in God to get us there, however long that might take, knowing that ultimately the devil IS always going to be in the details.
But that GOD is and always has been, the master plan....
Love to you all, x