Social media a no-go

My dearest fans, friends, colleagues and family,

I wanted to post something here in case you came looking for me, as I once again left social media, this time only a deactivation of the instagram account instead of a deletion, but it feels the same, and I had a sudden sensation of relief come over me, as soon as I did the deactivation.

I want to speak first about some of the positive things that came from this month of being back on Instagram, since I like to think that not everything in life is bad, nor that everything in regards to social media is bad for me, my health, or the health of our common society. So I first want to say how nice it was to connect with some of you after such a long time. I do often wish that more of you would reach out with an email or with a phone call, but many people seem to have adjusted to a world where communication is purely done through these kinds of apps, and that does make me feel disappointed sometimes by this technological "advancement" and how it has effected our ways of "connecting"...But as I want right now to focus on the "good stuff", I just want you to know how lovely it was to connect with old friends, acquaintances, colleagues, daughters and sons of some of my close old friends, promoters, fans I had not had connection with since I left FB and Instagram almost three years ago, etc, etc, etc...

It was also nice to see some of your photos and news, and connect with you in this way as well for a moment!

But for my mind and mental health it was a completely different experience as the days went on... I started to notice that I felt more depressed after coming back to it, felt more anxious in day to day life, noticed myself checking it too often during the day, and once again putting large amounts of time into replying to messages, promoting concerts, looking for connections, writing long heartfelt posts and creating stories.

As some of you know I had an Instagram profile for my dogs first and really enjoyed making those little videos and photos and felt that at least this brought no harm to this "strange reality" online, and believed instead that it could only bring smiles to peoples faces by seeing these cute little dogs of mine running in the woods or laying together on the couch. But even this eventually took on a sinister turn as I started to receive more and more messages from people wanting me to sponsor products using my dogs account, and become "ambassador" to pet products and pages. I also noticed my detachment from the current moment sometimes, as I would end up filming my dogs some of the time during our nature walks, and had my phone with me in my pocket again when out in nature which I had mostly stopped doing since I left social media. And I really didn't like this feeling of having the phone with me at all times and in all places again, and looking at it when I could have instead noticed the sound of a bird above me in the trees, or the colours of the leaves on the ground.

But once I created the Layla Zoe Music Instagram account it got even worse. And as I suspected I would, I really hated the feeling of needing to "sell" myself each day with posts about myself, and my music, posts about my past accolades and plans, and stories and posts about upcoming gigs.

As much as I realised this was important on some degree for my career, I could feel each day a heavy weight pressing down on my shoulders and schedule, about the need to post, the need to promote the tour, the need to gain more followers so that at least my posts and stories would reach people who might actually attend some of those concerts on the tour, and this repetitive checking on the notifications, messages and account, etc..

Each person handles these interactions with technology differently. And as many of you know I used these platforms for years and had tens of thousands of followers on Facebook and thousands on my instagram before I left social media in 2020.

I was always very good at it, and was totally tuned into this form of communication and connection to you all for many, many years. I did my time....

But if there has been anything good that came from the last few years of change, pain and confusion for me since world events changed our world as we know it in so many ways since 2020, it has been the realisation of how these platforms affect my heart, mind, mental health and soul.

It could not be any clearer for me than it was yesterday when I had a feeling of anxiety around using it, posting through it, but also noticing my mind's reaction to so much information in these short bursts of watching other peoples stories, and seeing other peoples posts. It was hurting me, and I could feel it, and I knew I had to be responsible in admitting to how it was negatively affecting me again.

My mind has slowed down since 2020, and I cannot jump back into this digital experience/world again in the way I once had, and thrive in it, as I had in the past. And I could recognise immediately how using it was making me feel worse about the world, myself, my career, and life in general, again. But most of all I could see and feel clearly and was reminded of the fact that, I have changed, and that this form of communication and "connection" no longer suits the world I want to live in or create for myself.

For this reason I make absolutely no judgement on anyone else's daily use of these platforms, because for the reasons I mentioned, I know it can be helpful for people in regards to communication, business growth, entertainment, etc.

But for me it must come to an end again now, because it just makes me feel ill in my mind and body, and it would be irresponsible of me not to recognise that, and to take action, but even more so it would not reflect the self love I am trying to create for myself over the past few years. To continue to do something that I can clearly see and know is hurting me, just would not be fair or intelligent and would only lead to a disastrous consequence...

Please respect and understand my reasons and honesty, and please consider reaching out to me sometime to connect through an email, or write and ask for an address to mail a letter, or if you have my number pick up the phone and call, or if not you can write me for my Skype address and we can speak this way. I am very open to connecting, and I love my fans, friends, colleagues and family dearly, and many of you know how much I sincerely give of myself in all my human relationships and through my music and career.

But in the end, I must love myself, more...

Thank you for taking a moment to read my thoughts and words. I am so grateful for each and every one of you out there, battling through this sea of technology and change, like the warriors you all are. I must take respite from this storm, or surely the waves will take me under...

That being said, I do still so look forward to seeing some of you on the tour coming up in March, and cherish that genuine connection we have always experienced together, from stage to soul...

Always, and with a full heart,

Layla